91ÖÆƬ³§

Coming to Maggie’s has changed my life and my family’s lives. I know this because they tell me.

I had extensive reconstructive facial surgery three times, and experienced extreme mental and emotional strain. It was 91ÖÆƬ³§ that pieced me back together again.

Surgery for mouth cancer and its consequences

When I was first diagnosed with mouth cancer in 2000, I thought that it was the end and that I'd have to write my will straight away. But I was very fortunate in that I had a brilliant consultant and she was able to operate and take the cancer away.

Myself and my wife, Audrey, cried at that very first appointment when I was diagnosed with cancer after having what I thought was just a small sore on my gum. But the consultant went on to tell me about an operation that I could have and told me that it would mean a very long and substantial surgery.

It would mean cutting in to my lip and my cheek and my chin to open everything up to give access to where the cancer was to take it away, but it would also mean I would be left with severe facial disfiguration.

I went away with a lot to think about but, obviously, I was going to have the surgery – for me and my wife and my two kids. I was only 40 at the time. But I don’t think I fully registered what it would mean for me and my family. At that point, I was going to take every chance to fight for survival.

Confidence knock, anger and isolating myself

Although the operation saved my life, sadly, it left me facially disfigured, and it took my confidence away with it.

This affected all of my relationships: my relationship with my wife, my kids, all of my family and friends. I didn’t want to see anyone.

I would take myself away to my bedroom because I didn’t want to look at myself and I didn’t want my wife or my kids to see me either.

They’d be crying in one room and I’d be crying in another. It was awful.

I was angry about what had happened to me, and I almost became a recluse until my wife sat me down and told me ‘to go to my GP for help and support.’ I was longing to be close to my family, but everything that had happened to me meant I had put up barriers.

I did eventually go to my doctor and I was given medicine and counselling, which did help. I also needed a lot of speech and language therapy to be able to speak again, and I looked very, very different.

Remission and slow recovery

Slowly over time, I started to feel a bit better. It took an awful long time for me to be able to get back to being me and to really not care about what people said.

People can sometimes be cruel and say terrible things about your appearance when they don’t know your circumstances. I can understand that when it’s young children saying things or asking questions, but sometimes, adults can be pretty awful and callous too. But over the years, I’ve grown to have a thicker skin.

After that, I was lucky to be cancer free for 15 years. Once I’d got past the 5-year mark, I thought that was it and that I’d be cancer-free forever, but my consultant was great and he continued to see me every 12 months just to make sure there weren’t any changes.

Repeated cancer recurrence and finding 91ÖÆƬ³§

Sadly, it hasn’t been plain sailing, and my cancer has now come back twice – first in 2015 and then in 2019. When it came back for the second time, I think we all panicked as a family. Audrey said to me, â€˜James, we can’t go down the same route as the last time’.

I knew I couldn’t myself because mentally I couldn’t cope and I isolated myself after that first big operation.

When I first had cancer, Maggie’s Oldham didn’t exist, and I did not cope very well. I nearly didn’t cope at all.

Fortunately, by the 2nd time I was diagnosed, Maggie’s was there, and it was helpful for me to come in for support. I was a bit scared to come through the doors the first time, but I was so glad I did.

Coming in to Maggie’s Oldham with it’s warm, yellow décor is like walking into a room full of sunshine – it’s like a big, warm hug.

Everyone there, from the staff to the volunteers, are all so caring and helpful. You automatically know you’re in a very safe space.

It did me the world of good, because I didn’t want to upset my family with everything I was going through again. Maggie’s was a place where I could talk about what I was going through, including my fears, without any judgement.

The staff and other centre visitors understood. Even if they didn’t have the same cancer as me, people were going through similar things. They knew how I was feeling and they were able to offer support.

Living with cancer and coping with side effects

There have been lots of very tough and exhausting times through my life with cancer.

Each diagnosis has been shocking, and I’ve had gruelling treatment three times now. There has been a lot of weight loss through periods when I couldn’t eat. I’ve had muscles removed from my shoulder to replace muscles in my jaw.

At one point, I thought I might be left having to feed through a tube for the rest of my life, but I was determined to regain my swallow again, and I did.

I’ve also had an oblique muscle from my hip removed to replace muscle in my jaw to allow my face to move and for me to speak again. I’ve even had to learn to walk again after my last operation.

I am very aware that I have been very fortunate that my consultants have been able to work wonders with me over the years, and I know I am lucky to be alive.

After everything I have been through – three lots of operations, three lots of speech and language therapy – I’ve had rehabilitation three times, but I am slowly learning to live with cancer.

Weekly men's group for emotional support at 91ÖÆƬ³§

Since my third diagnosis, when I visit the hospital, I always come over to Maggie’s Oldham, and I come to the Men’s Group every Tuesday. As the week goes on after our sessions, I can feel a bit like a jigsaw that is coming loose again, but when I come into the Men’s Group, they put me back together.

It’s only through coming to the Men’s Group in the last two and a half years that I’ve really felt able to open-up and tell my full story – it’s where I can open-up and bare my soul.

Generally, men don’t talk, but it just takes one person to open-up for others to feel that they are able to genuinely share their feelings and their thoughts and fears. That’s not something you can get outside Maggie’s or down the pub.

And we don’t always talk about cancer either. We talk about everything: football and holidays too, and we have a laugh. We even have a WhatsApp group and we have regular outings to the football or to somewhere in the city or, we go for a pint.

You may think men’s groups are not for you, but the one at Maggie’s is so warm and friendly, especially if you’ve got fears and worries about cancer.

Find your nearest centre to find out about what support is available for you.

91ÖÆƬ³§ has given me my life back

Coming to Maggie’s has changed my life. It really has. It’s pieced me back together and allowed me to be the husband, the father and the grandad that I always wanted to be.

The NHS saved my physically, but coming to Maggie’s has allowed me to get back to living my life as full as I can.

Audrey and I love going on holidays and days out and going out for meals with the family.

I always enjoyed my food before cancer and I liked to cook, but after my diagnosis, there was a long hiatus where I didn’t cook anything. I could barely eat anything for a long time â€“&²Ô²ú²õ±è;it was a liquid diet.

Now, I’m back cooking old family favourites like Moroccan Lamb.

Since coming to the Men’s Group at Maggie’s, I am also pleased to say that I’m on no medication at all.

The Maggie’s Men’s Group is my medication. It's like Red Bull to me – it has given me wings!

James is the face of the Maggie’s Spring Appeal, which launched on 30 April.